I'm a ray of fucking sunshine at the moment...no really!!! I'm wondering which lovely person is gonna come along and make my weekend worse.

You know when you say you're stressed out although you're never quite there. You never manage to hit the point where you can't breath, your heart is gonna beat its way out of your chest and you have tears pouring down your face. Well I've hit that point.

Yeah, I know...sounds like I'm been dramatic but I have genuinely reached that point of no return. I'm barely sleeping, panicky, emotional and on a train heading for stress city.

I'm lying to my friends. The usual, yeah course I'm fine, nothing can knock me down but this has. Not only have I had a blow to my career, I feel like they've punched a great big whole through who I am and I really don't know if I can put myself back together again.

I've been made to feel that getting my head down and doing my job is the wrong thing to do. I ended up sobbing my heart out on my best friends shoulder on friday night because of them. They've made me feel every bugger in the office has been talking about me behind my back.

They've made me feel the endo is all my own fault and it's all in my head. I don't spend roughly two days a month barely able to walk, carry stuff or spaced out on painkillers to the extent I can't concentrate and making a cup of tea is one of the hardest tasks in the world.

No...it's all made up and it's all bullshit. I don't have a letter from my consultant after first lap detailing the extensive endo they found. I don't have to fill my body with artificial hormones for 21 days at a time to try and slow the disease that could ultimately stop me from conceiving.

So here I am, unemployed unofficially, stressed out and treated like shit. Yeah I must have pissed someone off...