Thursday, 28 January 2010

I received one of the most beautiful and yet most heartbreaking emails the other day and now I don't know what to do.

All I know is I can't keep crying about it :(

Tuesday, 5 January 2010

What Smoking Costs (costed) me...

So I've been looking on the smokefree website and it's telling me that when I used to smoke 20 a day how much it cost me for a period of time, I rounded a packet of cigarettes to £5 as there were so many variations on prices in shops:-

- Each YEAR, Smoking costs you £1825.00 with that money you could buy 6 weekend health spa breaks for 2

- Each MONTH, Smoking costs you £152.08 with that money you could buy 3 gym memberships (I now have no excuse to not go to the gym!!)

- Each YEAR, Smoking costs you £1825.00 with that money you could buy 36 DVD box sets of popular shows

- Each WEEK, Smoking costs you £35.10 with that money you could buy 5 trips to the cinema

- Each MONTH, Smoking costs you £152.08 with that money you could buy designer sunglasses (So have to buy a pair of Ray Bans when I get a new job :D)

- Each YEAR, Smoking costs you £1825.00 with that money you could buy 1 week caribbean cruise for 2 (which lucky person shall I take with me?)

- Each YEAR, Smoking costs you £1825.00 with that money you could buy 18 new mobile phones (or 3 and a bit iPhones)

- Each MONTH, Smoking costs you £152.08 with that money you could buy 2 tickets to premier league football matches

- Each MONTH, Smoking costs you £152.08 with that money you could buy 3 sunless tanning sessions (woohoo, no longer will I be so white I'll make your eyes bleed!!!)

- Each YEAR, Smoking costs you £1825.00 with that money you could buy 5 meals at a celebrity chef's restaurant for 4

- Each YEAR, Smoking costs you £1825.00 with that money you could buy 18 family day trips to children's theme park

- Each YEAR, Smoking costs you £1825.00 with that money you could buy 12 mp3 players (why anyone would want 12 is beyond me...)

- Each YEAR, Smoking costs you £1825.00 with that money you could buy 6 weekends in Paris (I love, love, LOVE Paris too...hmmmm)

- Each YEAR, Smoking costs you £1825.00 with that money you could buy 30 tickets to premier league football matches (or about 6 Rhinos season tickets)

- Each YEAR, Smoking costs you £1825.00 with that money you could buy 9 nights out for 2 including meal and hotel

- Each YEAR, Smoking costs you £1825.00 with that money you could buy 3 satellite TV year subscriptions

Ok...so that's enough but it's amazing...and I'm contemplating Paris now haha!! Just need to find a new job first :D

Something I've noticed is I have more time...any smoker will tell you it's a case of "I'll just have a cig then do x, y or z" but I don't have that now...it doesn't take me as long to get ready to go out.

Once it's out of my system I'll be fine and in the mean time I've found 2 very good mp3's from the smokefree website to help me relax and I've got a quitkit on it's way to me.



(Originally posted on Facebook by yours truly)


xxx

Tuesday, 17 November 2009

Faking it...

I've become a Grand Master (should that be Mistress?) at Faking It.

Now, I'm not talking about sex. I'm talking about faking my way through this world with a smile on my face when sometimes I could just sit and weep.

I think I'm pretty good at it now. I think there are very few people who can see through the mask and see the real me. The scared girl. The girl who is self concious, geeky, awkward and shy. The girl who can't give any more, I'm too mentally, emotionally and physically exhausted. The girl who tries to reach out to someone because underneath all the flirting and innuendo she genuinely does care and ultimately gets ignored.

I sit here and I try to figure out who the real me is and I honestly don't know any more. I seem to have acquired labels along the way and none of them truly fit.

I try to be open and honest with my friends but its so hard when some days I can't be roused out of feeling low. It's easier to wear a mask then it is to tell people how I really feel. It's easier to build a wall around myself and only let certain parts out.

Maybe being unemployed has the serious disadvantage of me having far too much time on my hands to think about these things. Maybe I just needed to get this all on screen and out of my system. I don't know anymore. I often find myself tiptoeing around my own head so I don't set off any alarm bells (great...now I sound mental). My mind seems to over analyse every single detail and once it starts I find it so hard to stop the snowball effect.

I do fear I've faked it for so long the real me has disappeared. At this point in time all I do know is I can't knock down this wall on my own.

Sunday, 15 November 2009

Thoughts in my head right now...

- I hate being unemployed
- I don't want triple swabs...again
- Some people are so bloody rude
- Who's been reading my blog?
- That snickers advert is so stupid...
- The band who were playing before the rugby were pretty amazing!!
- I really need to stop smoking
- Shit! I forgot to take my pill :s
- I NEED to sort my insurance out tomorrow
- Who knew I could have so many thoughts?
- I HAVE to ring the doctors on Monday first thing and sort this bloody referral out
- Do I really want to stay in Payroll?
- *shivers*
- I should probably go to bed...
- My throat is really sore...this is what I get for shouting at the rugby
- Ohhhhhhhhh Viennaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!!!!!

Tuesday, 10 November 2009

Sunday, 8 November 2009

You do realise your continued silence actually cuts pretty deep?

Who knew I cared so much...I didn't until I realised how much your silence hurt.

Sorry to anyone reading, I'm just thinking on my blog...well...you know what I mean!

Coming to some conclusions...

Based on the past 24 hours of my life, I can conclude:

- Guys you think are mates and know you're not easy are total arseholes...Cheers for the pervy texts!

- Guys you very rarely speak to only text when they want a shag (see my phishing texts blog here: http://ramblingsofa20somethingsinglegirl.blogspot.com/2009/02/grrr.html)

- And the guys you think are great generally turn out to be arses.

So to quote Bonnie Tyler, where have all the good men gone?!